It's been my tradition for several years now to choose a new word to dwell on in the new year. Last year, my word was perseverence. I totally thought when I chose the word, that I would need to persevere with my health and with working in a difficult mission field. I had read in a book that the Chinese characters for perseverence were two: one of a man walking and another of a knife through a heart. Together they encapsulate the idea that perseverence is learning to walk with a knife through your heart.
I had no idea. I had no idea how hard the walk would be. I had no idea how sharp the knife would pierce. In January, 2019, I had no idea how much the blow that I was about to recieve would cut, hurt, and nearly kill me. Nor did I know how I would have to stand up and press on, not just for one day or one week, but for month after month after month. I also had very little idea of what it felt like to have God's love and strength carry my wounded self. In January of 2019, I didn't know how God would hem me in, lift me up and give me all that I needed to keep walking. I didn't see how He alone would be the one who would stablize the knife so that it would stop twisting and he is the one who would pour a soothing balm on my wounds. I didn't understand how, as the comfort and intimacy of an earthly companion left me, I would begin to experience an intimacy and comfort from the Lord I had never known before. This year, I have chosen the word hope. I think I've used it before, but I'm okay with that. (My tradition, my rules. Right?) What has been impressed upon me in recent weeks, is that when one is struggling to persevere, hope is an absolute neccesity. The Disney beauty sings, "How in the midst of so much sorrow, can so much hope and love endure?" It's not through the love of man. Humans fail. 2020 doesn't hold any different hope for sinful humanity than 2019 did. Hope, when you are struggling to persevere, is still only found in the person and work of Jesus Christ. My walk is still painful, the knife is still there. But Christ is there to grasp hold of and to cling to. I'm aiming to move forward this year with with that hope in mind.
2 Comments
Midge Mudrowsky
1/7/2020 06:01:58 am
I will continue to pray for you and your family as I have been doing for many years, and most especially in the last months. The courage that the grace of Jesus has given you is an encouragement and blessing to me and others. Thank you for sharing your life with us. Love and prayers to you, dear sister.
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1/30/2020 07:46:02 am
A friend (Katie T) sent your blog on to me because she knows it's been a hard year for me. I just want you to know that even your posts so far have really blessed me - thank you for sharing your faith and heart for Christ with others in these posts. You've given me fresh strength and hope in a hard week. God bless you! Praying for your family.
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Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:19 Archives
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